Do I really want to be healthy?

I decided to do something about my weight. I joined a program and have a health coach, meals, a text book, and a work book. I decided to go the whole 9 yards. Yet, tonight when I was going through the text book I had to answer a question:

"If you had a choice to live in Optimal Health, would you take it?"

I panicked inside. My anxiety went from 0 to 10 in the blink of an eye.

You might be asking why? The answer is an obvious yes, right? Who wouldn't want optimal health? And I'm already making drastic lifestyle changes to get me there, so shouldn't the answer be easy?

The problem with me answering "yes" to the question is I'm honest, and lately that's included being honest with myself.

Maybe if I reword the question, you'll understand why I wasn't able to say yes right away and remain honest with myself.

"Are you willing to do whatever it takes to get yourself into a state of optimal health?"

Now, all of us will have health problems. For example, I was in a car accident. My body is still messed up. I won't have PERFECT health, even if I do everything I can do. But think of how much closer I'd be if I just changed a few of my behaviors!

The problem is I'm not sure I'm willing to change those behaviors. I'm not sure I'm willing to do whatever it takes.

A very good example for me is exercise. It bores me. The idea of going to a gym is almost painful for me. Sitting there on a treadmill, an exercise bike, lifting weights etc. All boring. How am I supposed to get motivated to leave my house to go somewhere boring? Especially when it is not only boring, but it costs me money. Not happening.

Not all exercise is boring, but the kinds that aren't boring are competitive. I'm VERY competitive. So competitive in fact that if I can't at least do as good as other people, I don't want to do it at all. And well, right now I suck. I'd make a fool of myself. Before I join some community team or even go play basketball with friends, I want to get into shape...but doing that by myself leads back to boring.

A nice cycle, right? Everything that is fun, I can't do until I get the boring out of the way. And I just don't seem to be able to do the boring.

Seeing my problem with saying yes yet?

Do I want to be healthy? Theoretically. Enough to Make changes in my life? So far, not enough.

So I'm making a goal. My goal is to be able to say yes.

Like I said, I'm trying hard not to lie to myself. Before I'm willing to say yes to all of it, I have to show myself I can do it in one area. The area of choice: exercise.

Long term goal: Say YES! I want to be healthy and am willing to do everything it takes to get there!

Short term goal: Exercise at least 5x's a week.

Yup. As much as I hate doing it, I know it's good for me. I am deciding that the benefits out weigh the boring-ness.

I'm done "weighting" to be healthy.

And as I get more healthy, who knows? I might even start doing the exercises that are fun too. :)