I make my pants look fat

Currently if my pants asked that question, the answer would be yes. Why? They are too big for me. Much too big for me.

A few years ago when I was at a fairly healthy weight, I was in size 6 pants. I didn't gain the weight overnight and as it slowly added on I slowly stretched my jeans out. I forced myself to wear the same small pants as long as they would fit me. Then I caved and bought a couple of pairs of pants. They were all size 10's. Problem was, none of them were jeans (I still wasn't willing to admit I wouldn't fit into that favorite pair tomorrow) and I didn't stop there. A few months later I caved and bought one pair of size 12 jeans. Another couple months and I bought one pair of shorts. I refused to buy more because I refused to admit I was that big. Yet I still did nothing to lose the weight.

When I started my health program, my size 12's were too small on me. I had to squeeze into them. I probably should have been in 14's.

Remember that one pair of 12's? They drown me. I have to buckle my belt 3 notches smaller than I did before and the jeans look baggy. Even the 10's I bought are getting big.

But I skipped buying size 8's on my way up, so I don't have any for my way back down.

My thighs still don't fit into my size 6's and I'm stuck trying to decide what to do. Do I walk around wearing size 10's that are too big and not wear any jeans until I lose the weight or do I cave and buy some size 8's so I feel attractive as I lose the weight?

I hate the idea of buying size 8's because I'll only be in them for a few weeks and I"m cheap. On the other hand, my once wonderfully fitting pants now hang lose on me. I don't look attractive in them. I look...wrong. Like I have no butt.

Yes me, the girl with the big butt looks like she doesn't have one in her pants.

I'm almost starting to wonder if I could healthily fit into a size 4 someday.

Don't worry, my goal is health. I will stop my weight loss journey as soon as my body is where it should be. If that's a size 6, I'll be plenty content. If it's a size 4, that's great too! Either way, I will be healthy. No more weighting for me!